


Basic Instinct

by Azazel_Lily (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Forced Sex, Multi, Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2017-12-30 20:52:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Azazel_Lily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall Horan has never had it easy from a screwed up childhood to now what will it take to change his life for the better</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Beginning

It doesn't make much sense to tell anybody this but my name's Niall...Horan .My parents have been divorced since I was five and I would say somebody fought for me but honestly that'd be a lie,and i'm done with lies.This is my story about meeting someone new...someone who changed my life and left me reeling from backlash to this day also so that thirty years from now when my skin's all wrinkly and real life sets in somebody'll know who I am and what happened to me maybe learn from it who knows i'd just like to be more than a name.The story starts four years ago when I was 16.My Dad sent me to a cathloc high school half way through my junior year I was alot more than pissed.

"Dad,that's not fair!"I yelled like some kinda animal,i'm surprised he didn't b**ch slap me right then and there."Greg got to finish why me why now?"

He looked at the floor at an ugly coffee stain that's been there for like ten years the way he was staring at it you'd think I just put it there."Quiet down Niall"he waved dismissively then like I wasn't even there he just walked away his mind was just somewhere else.

I swear I could've killed that guy but at that time I was still a pussy-footed teenager who could'nt even talk to a girl he liked.Well we moved to...Mullingar I guess it wasn't all bad my first day there I met a boy named Liam he'd obviously had a past everybody at school kinda just brushed him off all the girls they looked at him like a disease I knew that feeling all to well.At lunch that day I sat next to him mostly 'cause he was alone but then again I was too.

He had Beiber hair before Beiber hair was even Beiber hair if that made any sense and the cutest brown eyes I can't believe I just admitted that.

"This seat taken?",that was more of a statement rather than a question.

He shook his head obviously not much of a talker,but I was okay with that.

It is no secret that I love to eat anybody who's spent more than two seconds with me would know that.I barely left a crumb on the tray ."So you're Liam?"

He nodded almost unsure.

"I'm Niall,hi."

"What're you even here for run away or smething."

"Why?"

"Everyone else does,you must be new here."

"Yeah,is it that obvious."

"Painfully."he smiled I made the elusive Liam Payne smile my first day out the gate.

I tossed my tray in the garbage bin like two inches away of course with my aim I missed,Liam laughed I must've been doing something right. Some guy passed me I only saw his shoes white and silver nike's he dumped his tray right beside my face.

"What's the newb doin' sittin' around with Payne?"he was just about the cutest guy i'd ever seen for a guy his hair was all curly and black...mysterious...I love mystery.

I shrugged."Making friends."

"With this guy,i'll save you the trouble he's not your type."

I looked over at Liam he didn't seem to hear any of it or maybe he was just used to it.I slid over to him hooked my arm around his shoulder."We're buddies already you're to late."

Liam looked alot more than surprised."We are?"

I nodded turned back to the other guy."Thanks for the warning though."

He shook his head like I was some kinda disappointment i'm used to that."I'm Harry whenever you get tired of this guy...look me up."

"I doubt it."

Liam could'nt stop staring at me am I some sort of celebrity wouldn't that be cool maybe then I would'nt've felt so worthless i'd feel like people cared about me,in that moment sitting there with Liam I felt like somebody.


	2. In The Begininng

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's the same age except Louis he's a senior

Like I said this is my story i'm not gonna spend two billion years talking about Liam all you really need to know is we became friends...best friends and that's a big part of this story.I think the next part should be about why this story even exists and that honor belongs to the aforementioned Harry Styles if he ever gets ahold of this book i've got two words for him F**K YOU.My second day at St.Agnes Cathloc High School I was on my way home through this new development of houses practically a city when Harry drove by (like he even had a liscense) he pulled me into the car and i'm gonna try to be vague when I say this but he raped me.I don't know why so save yourself the trouble of asking and that's it really.You wanted details?Sorry i'm not entirely over that and if you really wanna know that's freaking sick.Obviously I didn't bounce back to being the perfect teen after he let me out of the car. I just stood on the curb watching him drive away in the uggliest Dodge Caravan or maybe it's just ugly 'cause of the person in it.It started getting dark so I walked anywhere really just be moving.Liam saw me at the corner of that same street where there wasn't even a sidewalk just leveled off dirt with orange pegs sticking up.

He looked at me like he saw a ghost then slowly his face changed from confusion to horror he ran up to me but stopped short of touching ."Harry."

I didn't say anything just looked at the ground like it was the most interesting thing on the planet.

"No...no...no..."he pulled me into himself holding me so tight I almost could'nt breathe."I'm sorry..."

How did he know it was Harry i've never asked and I don't wanna know.All I know is i'm glad he was there 'cause if he wasn't I might've just killed myself.Upstanding church boy like me with a guy...even if it wasn't forced it happened.At that point in my life I was what you call confused even before Harry but then after that happened it pushed me over the edge it felt like I didn't have a choice like Harry took that all away my Dad already uprooted my life my mom said she didn't want me I hadn't seen my brother in two years and no one ever even asked if I was okay with it.They didn't care no one's ever cared...that's all I could think of that night,being held like a baby.If Liam ever reads this I love you no matter how weird that sounds coming from me. Needless to say I didn't go back to school the next day my Dad started to ask but he didn't care.Usually i'd just run around the house in my underwear with a chocolate beard.That day I spent my morning sitting in my bed with this teddy bear that's been mine for like my whole life the only constant.I didn't eat anything I hardly moved until Liam started knocking on the door it took every piece me to get up off that bed...

"Hi."he tried his best attempt to smile."Hungry?"he held up a bag of chocolate bunnies a bottle of Jack and the entire first season of Doctor Who.

I wanted to smile but it just wasn't in me."Come on in."

Liam Payne is about the nicest guy you will ever meet so if anyone ever gets the chance to talk to him make it count.He was all smiles like he didn't know what happened maybe he's pretending it didn't happen or maybe he's trying to make me forget whichever he was doing it worked an hour later we were sitting on the couch my legs stretched over his laughing,crying,somewhere between the two...that was one of the best memories I had with hin.

"Sometimes when i'm angry I bite my lip 'til it bleeds and now I have a gigantic scar on my lips it probabaly will never heal."

"Why're you saying this?"

"Don't do anything stupid."

No matter what problem you're facing there's about three trillion ways out there's no need to kill yourself so don't.Take it from me,I would say I owe that entire sentence to Liam but somewhere between hating myself and Harry I realized life goes on and there're people just like me who've been through the same thing and they're not dead.

That doesn't mean I was over it,no way I was an emotional wreck.


	3. One Foot Forward

I've learned alot in my twenty years like how to do taxes and fry an egg but I've still got no clue why Harry showed up at my door two weeks after you know what happened.It wasn't like I expected him to drop off the face of the earth but god was I hopping he did.  
I opened the door all happy 'cause Liam said he had surprise for me,that was a first.As soon as I saw Harry my smile dried up like a summer puddle.  
My first thought was to shut the door and forget I ever opened it but I wasn't the smartest kid out there.  
Harry's eyes used to be so pretty they were firery green glowing when the light hit them just right,now though all I see is lust like he wanted something from me...and honestly if he'd tried to take it I would've let him.  
"Hi...Niall."he said voice husky.  
I balanced myself on the coffee table beside the door it was old and creaky but it kept me upright.I didn't have much to say so I didn't say anything.  
"How're you?"  
I couldn't believe what I was hearing what kinda question is that I felt like hell.My jaw tightened,fists balling around the doorknob.  
"I wanted to know if you were thinking about,"he got closer by like an inch it felt like alot more to me."telling anybody about...y'know."  
I lost it.  
"About what,you?No but should I have to?!"he started to answer but I wasn't having it."I f***ing hate you,what's wrong with you huh...you didn't even know me!"  
Harry Styles is a dick.He put his hand over mine almost like he knew what that'd do.  
I was paralyzed,it all came flooding back.The car that feeling of his hands all over me and being powerless to stop it.I felt weak."...Liam..."I croaked like that'd help.  
"Why don't you calm down?"  
As if on cue there was Liam like a night in shining armor behind Harry.  
"Niall,why don't you go back inside."said Liam his eyes locked with Harry's.  
I nodded but I didn't move.  
"Niall!"  
Sometimes yelling at somebody will actually get your point across.I stepped back and closed the door separating me from Harry.  
I pressed my ear to the the wall.  
"What the hell are you doing here?"i'm guessing that was Liam's voice.  
"Why don't you just run along."  
"You should'nt be here."  
The knob turned halfway but stopped.  
"Niall might not go to the police but I will."  
"Your word against mine."  
"And Niall's test me."  
The tension relaxed on the knob...footsteps...knocking.  
I was unsure of who it was so I left it up to fate.  
"Are you okay?"for once fate decided not to screw with me.  
I shrugged.  
"Don't worry about him."  
My eyes drift to the floor hardwood this time around but it's still got black gum stains on it.  
"Wanna talk about it?"  
I almost shook my head but instead I walked backed to my room Liam soon followed we sat opposite eachother on my bed.For a while I looked out the window,it was raining not heavy though...yet.  
"I was a virgin...but I wasn't saving myself for anything I just didn't wanna...do it.I wanted it to be special...like with a girl I loved and Harry just,"my hand started balling itself up.  
Liam pat my knee like when your telling a dog good job.  
My bedsheets had ugly soliders on them they were faded and thread popped out of the seems but for some reason I felt stronger.  
"...he didn't give me an option it's not fair,since I was a kid nobody's given me an option it was just do what I say...the one thing I could control gets taken away a-and it sucks."I started crying,and even though Liam was there it felt great.  
"He didn't take everything Niall...you still got me."  
I kissed him.No thought really,I just...did it,and y'know what...he kissed back.


	4. Two Steps Back

On tuesday we walked through the halls holding hands,it was innocent really.But that didn't stop gay patrol,they were on us faster than the speed of light.  
"Niall Horan and Liam Payne am I correct."that's Zayn I wouldn't call him a jerk but...  
Gay patrol was more like three guys who pretended like they owned the school.Josh Devine,Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson.  
I know i'm supposed to pace myself and let the story unfold but who cares this is my story.Liam is not the boy I was talking about before that would be Louis actually though i'm pretty sure at some point in time I thought all three of those guys were the one.  
Anyway the Gay Patrol was just those three shoving god down the throats of anyone that'd listen.  
"Yeah,you're correct."Liam looked the trio up then down guessing maybe if he should even listen to what they have to say.  
"What's up with the hand holding this is a cathloc school you can't do stuff like that."said Josh completely disinterested.  
Louis didn't say much he leaned against the locker staring at something far away...maybe the welcome banner.  
"I didn't get the memo."Liam said.  
"Here it gift wrapped with a bow,now stop it."  
"That's no way to treat these..."Zayn paused searching for a word to call us.",people...we just need you to keep your homosexual tendancies to a minimum,right Louis."  
He shook out of his trance startled like he just realized life was happening."Yeah...right."he looked at me for the longest time then said."Hey."  
"Hi."I said surprised to hear my own voice.  
"Anyway,now that we understand eachother..."Zayn nodded then like a perfectly timed unit he and Josh filed out.  
"Bye"said Louis following after.  
I swear they must've worn the same thing everyday,black blazor tucked under their arms messenger bags perfect robots...except Louis he might've been human. Liam never let go of my hand not even as half the school stared at us.I might've been imagining this but I thought I saw Harry standing in Sister Mary Francis' room smiling.It didn't scare me as much I thought it would and for that I held my head up a little higher. When a teacher calls you to her office it's never good especially when you've been going to the same school almost a month and no one's so much as breathed in your direction.So when I got called down I had to admit it was a bit unnerving. Mrs.Greene's office looked like something out of an IKEA.Mahongany brown chairs, bookcase that takes up the entire wall yep she might as well take a picture put it in the catalog. I sat in one of the chairs sinking into it. There's something about an old wrinkly woman with piercing eyes that's just plain unsettleling."Niall James Horan," Any sentence that starts off like that is not one I wanna hear the end of.


	5. The Dilemma

Her gaze settled upon me or something over my head,she sat hunched over a pile of papers waiting like she asked some sort of question.

I nodded,what else did she want?

"Why have you been missing school?"she asked leaning forward just enough to make me uncomfortable.

For some reason I thought no one would ask me that."Uh...personal time."

"For what?"

My hands got all sweaty, _what if she_ _knows._ I read...alot and like most teenagers I kinda felt alone even more so after the whole Harry incident so I read some more,back in the old days if a woman was raped they would arrest her fo sex out of wedlock,sure it's the new millenium but how different was I?

"I'm concerned."

 _Why you don't even know me._ "I was having a hard time adjusting."that wasn't a complete lie.

"Really...."

I wanted to say yes but it felt even worse lying to people 'cause of Harry he took alot but I couldn't let him turn me into a liar."I don't wanna talk about it if that's okay."I half expected her to say no.

"There's a new counsoling group,our first year actually why don't you join.It'd be a great way to make friends."

As long as I had Liam I was okay with being a loner but still I said yes,it couldn't hurt.

"Great we meet this afternoon two to three p.m don't be late."she quickly scribbled the date on a torn out sheet of notebook paper then passed it over to me along with a hall pass.

"Thank you." _What the hell did I just get myself into._

Of course I had to tell Liam get his insight on the whole situation.So just as the last bell rang I ran around half the school building to the gym the boys were playing basketball at this old court behind the school it'd seen better days.

Liam was there,pressed up against the fence a crowd of maybe four guys surrounded him they looked like gorrilas compared to him.

I didn't know what to do,go over there they didn't look very friendly,stand there how could I still call myself Liam's friend?I hid behind the brick wall encasing the school watching as the four of them pounded,kicked,spit,laughed at him.Yeah I know that was stupid I should've done something,but what help was I he'd see me and tell me to leave or i'd get wrapped up in it too...a smart person would've gotten the principal but I was never smart.

When they were done they left him there bleeding and bruised.I ran over after making sure they were gone (I was a pansy).

You wouldn't have even recognized him his face wasn't glowing the gold in his eyes,gone...the upitamy of bullying.

"Hey...Liam..."

"...Niall,wha-what're you doing here?"he could barely move,and it was all my fault.

"Don't worry,i'll getcha outta here."I hooked an arm under his shoulder using the fence for balance as I stood,we limped to the bathroom in the gym...god there was so much blood,I thought he was gonna die and it'd be all my fault.

Sometimes the right answer isn't so black and white nor is it simple but the answer to my question "What am I supposed to do." was obvious SOMETHING.

"Are you gonna be alright?"the clear answer was no but I just wanted to hear his voice.

"I'm the one who's supposed to save the day not you."

"Sorry for stealing your spotlight,"

He tried to laugh but instead he squeezed his eyes shut holding his cheek.

I am one of the worst people to come to when you're in a bad situation it's always been like that.I pressed a wad of paper towels to his forehead he looked up at me the gold returning to his eyes I wanted to kiss him right then and there but I didn't I still felt awful about what I let happen.So if he kissed me I was okay with that.

"...could I kiss you?"

I wanted to say no,a kiss would be like your mom giving you four thousand dollars after you just broke her vase but hell he asked.

I nodded,leaning forward a bit.We collided nose to nose I couldn't help but laugh."Sorry."

"Try again?"

Here he was asking me twice to kiss and I still said yes,my conscious never let that one go.This time I placed a hand on either of his shoulders and...yeah we kissed.

"Is this gonna happen everytime somebody gets hurt."

"I like it."

I didn't forget about group.If a friend's in need,screw it...life can wait.

 


	6. The Dilemma

The world didn't stop that day there was wednesday.I wanted to go to school but it didn't seem so important anymore.One month in Mullingar I turned into a completely different person getting raped kinda makes you grow up.I made a resolution to not sit around all day so I grabbed a notebook,pen and set out into the dreary morning I walked nowhere down a street I can't remember the name of past a grocery story covered in graffiti a bar full at 10 a.m. through an apartment complex that looked more like utopia.I stopped at the park,it felt like what I needed swings,slide,mulch an area full of happy.There I sat in this wooden pavilion with names written all over it and wrote everything I was thinking verbatim here is what it said:

_"Somebody did something really bad to me,he's no bigger than I am but he's so much stronger he scares me but I can't say I hate him it isn't all his fault I'm weak I didn't fight hard enough.Liam said there wasn't anything I could do but he wasn't there how can he say that?I didn't even tell him about the other guy in the car,I never got to see his face not that I want to.I wonder if Liam's good for me?Is he just a phase,am I using him?I don't wanna be gay.Maybe i'm not but ,I really like kissing him i'm afraid that these aren't even real feelings but just because of the incident i'm making myself like him,I hope this is real,_

_Niall Horan March 10"_

Boys can have journals if girls can have diaries so before anyone yells GAY think about that.

It was 10:35 by the time I was done with my outpour of feelings I still had more than half a day to myself with nothing to do,so I climbed up onto the table then flattened myself against it like a pancake that was a good day.No,I couldn't see the sun so i'm not gonna go off on a tangent about the sky or the peeling wood that was my sky instead i'll talk about Eleanor.

At first sight she was just a plain pretty girl dressed up in rainboots and a pink sweater dress but stick around.She hummed Let It Snow,what girl hums christmas songs in the middle of march?I was interestsed so like a stalker I watched her,walk around on squishy ground she seemed to be in her own little world,spinning doing a weird little dance to a song playing only in her head.

Her eyes locked with mine for a minute but it felt like eternity.'Hi'she mouthed as Louis rushed over sweaty in nothing but a giant pikachu costume yeah he was a little different.

I did not want to be seen so to hide myself I pulled the hood down on my jacket like bright red bunny ears wouldn't attract attention.

"Niall,hey."Louis said jogging over to me.

"Dammit I mumbled.So much for incognito."Hey."

"This is Elle,my girlfriend."

She elbowed him in the stomach."I can introduce myself and he's not my boyfriend.Eleanor."she held a hand out to me.

I shook it my face tinting slightly red."Niall."

Louis took a seat at the table across from me smilling like a doofus.

I had to ask about the poke'mon getup.

"Oh this thing,spontaniety."he shrugged,oh sure 'cause it's just human nature to walk around dressed like a mythical creature.

I nodded.Eleanor's stare was beginning to burn a whole in the side of my head so I turned in her direction smiled then back to Louis."What brings you here?"

"I got bored plus the ballerina needed some fresh air."

"Shut-up."said Eleanor with another jab to the stomach."By the way did you see that over by the swing?"

"No."i'm a terrible liar.

Her face flushed red.

Louis took notice of this."So,Niall you're single right?"

I nodded.Sometimes both brains don't work together if you know what I mean.

"CSo's Elle."

"Geez Louis he didn't even say anything."

"Are you?"I asked Eleanor.

Her mouth fell open."Yes yes I am."said Louis throwing her hands about.

"Wanna go out some time?"I couldn't believe what I was saying did I really just ask a girl out.

"Yeah,that'd be great."

Did she actually say yes.I was practically floating,of course then reality took a bite outta me...Liam.


	7. Between Niall and Liam

I owed alot to Liam,he practically saved my life but how far could that go?I kinda liked Eleanor and him what was so terrible about wanting both of them?Yeah I know you can't have the best of both worlds but sixteen year old me was willing to try and as i've said before I wasn't the smartest kid out there.  
By the time I dragged myself outta bed it was friday and while running away from problems is easy sometimes you've gotta tough up.So yeah I was back at school that day in those stupid uniforms,longsleeve dress shirts,pleated shorts.That was half the reason I avoided school,how was I supposed breathe in a dress shirt?But then again Liam did look pretty good in a blazor.  
"Don't forget about Eleanor,tonight Cafe 80's six p.m."said Louis with thumbs up.  
"Yeah."I said like it wasn't burned into my brain.  
How could I keep something like that to myself my first real date,no way could I tell Liam not like he was around anyway.  
I decided to tell Demi,she was always worried that I might turn into a forty year old virgin.  
"No way who is she?"  
We met at the gym or right outside of it with water bottles and grilled cheese sandwiches.  
"Eleanor Calder,I met her yesterday at the park."  
"So that's where you were"she bit into my sandwich to make sure they tasted the same then continued."I thought it was one of those days again."  
No I didn't tell her about Harry then she'd start looking at me different I told her instead that I had 'bad days' which again wasn't a complete lie.  
"What should I wear?"  
"It's a date you're not meeting her parents,what were you wearing when you met her?"  
"My bunny ear jack and that 'I wuv hugs' t-shirt."  
"We must woo her i'll bring Danielle for a closet raid.Speaking of which i'm pertty sure she's got a thing for Liam."  
I choked on my water."What?!"  
Her eyes went wide."Don't bite my head off."  
"You ate off my sandwich I outta eat your hand as punishment."  
"What's so weird about Danielle and Liam,is it the whole you're friends thing 'cause-"  
"No,she just can't okay"my face must've been scarlet.  
"Is that jealousy?"  
"No."I bit off the last of her sandwich."Just...nothing,but not jealousy."  
"You've got a crush on him don't you."she hopped onto her knees pointing an acussing finger.  
"No."  
"Niall."  
"I don't alright."  
"You guys hang out all the time,who're you fooling?"  
I sunk into the wall."Myself."  
She sighed like my dad when he's 'disappointed' I wanted find the nearest cave and bury myself in it.  
"So you're going on a date with Eleanor but you have a crush on Liam"  
I nodded.  
"Talk about a love triangle,ooh this is so exiciting!"she squealed.  
"You're not mad?"  
"Outside of Danelle you're my only friend i'm not gonna lose you over something as simple as who you like."  
I grabbed either of her cheeks pulling our faces so close I could feel her breath on my lips.  
"Uh Niall..."  
"Yeah...I know."


	8. Between Niall and Liam

It's alot easier to pretend than it is to face your problems so yeah I was kinda avoiding Liam,and with less than an hour left before the end of the day I was doing pretty good but of course as we all know I have terrible luck...go figure. About ten minutes before the last bell I volunteered to take the attendance list to the office,first time in like ten gazillion years.I really just wanted to be out of the classroom I mean all that I had waiting for me there was a yellow toothed,narrow hipped substitute that couldn't say my name right and a loud mouth pratical joker I'd rather see in a gutter somewhere. There was Liam standing outside the nurses office with his lip busted up,eyes glassy I wanted to turn in the other direction and forget I ever saw anything but then he started sniffling and I couldn't just turn away basic instinct right,never turn away from a friend in need.So after about two minutes of telling myself it was a stupid idea I started over to him.  
"Hey stranger."I waved adding a wide smile.  
Liam shrugged turning his attention to the ground.  
Obviously something was wrong."What's got you so..."  
"Just go away Niall jesus,I'll be fine without you."  
"No,what's wrong?"  
"I'm screwed up that's what's wrong."  
I couldn't believe what I was hearing,to me his breath was utter perfection and here he was calling himself screwed up,it was finally my turn to play therapist."Why do you say that."  
"Because everyone hates me Niall,and it keeps getting worse I try doing different but nothing works they still hate me and it's only making them angrier I don't know what to do.Then you show up...and I thought everything was all right but they're making fun of me even more now because of you."he started to cry,burying his face in his hands.  
So maybe I was being selfish,here Liam was crying.His only friend was ruining his life and I was keeping him from Danielle who could be that person he needed but with her in the picture who'd get cut out?And me I'm going out with Eleanor how long could he actually wait?  
"Come over tonight...please."  
"Why so it'll hurt more when we have to forget about eachother?"  
"Liam,please I have a solution and we have to try."  
"I wish my life was perfect then maybe this wouldn't have to happen."he sighed then prodded off in the other direction head in his chest.  
I almost cried I was giving my best friend up to some girl I didn't even know like offering a lamb up to a god you've never seen.My life was starting to become complicated and I was definitely not ready for it. Group.I wanted to go but then again I didn't the faster I got home the better so I kinda avoided Mrs.Greene I was doing a lot of that lately...avoiding people.Demi was waiting for me right outside the double doors boy was I happy to see her. "Hiyya ready to go?"her smile was so big I thought her mouth might rip open.  
"Yeah,quick question were you serious about inviting Danielle?"  
"Demitria Lovato lies about nothing especially when it comes to her friends.But are you sure you want her over I mean if you're inviting Liam."  
I sighed."No,but it's not up to me."  
Her smile dimmed and she looped her arm over my shoulder."You're too old for your age."  
Ever since Harry it's been all down hill I thought Eleanor was the light at the end of the tunnel but she was just a pretty flower in a field of dandelions,I was destroying Liam's life with my friendship and Demi...what to make of her?I'm over thinking things that don't require much thought at and in generally growing up to fast.Maybe I was to old for 16...


	9. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To get in the right mood for this part listen to Lighthouse You and me

I never thought it'd come to that so fast you always assume you're young life has just started what does it take to remind you that you're old as dust for me it was the thought of losing a guy I'd only known for a month to a girl I'd never met.And you thought being a teenager was hard enough.  
"Macy's is a girls store my cousin doesn't even shop here and he's gay."I said as Demi dragged me through the doors of Twin Pines mall late that afternoon.  
She sighed like I was supposed to just automatically figured out this was her shopping trip."Wait your turn the date's not for like three hours."  
That was true but I had to tell Liam before it was go time he was like my best friend I couldn't just leave him in the dark and then there was Danielle I wasn't gonna just blindly hand him over to her what if he didn't like her what if she was a b**ch while I did trust Demi's friend picking complex did I really trust Danielle?The smell of artificial spring filled my nose and as I breathed it in,my lungs burned,women immaculately dressed in heels and designer sweaters trotted around the store like they owned the place,patterned hangars,clothes I couldn't say the name of yep that's Macy's for ya.Demi wasted no time swinging into the girliest section I was almost surprised she didn't even look in the shoe department.  
"I just love shopping don't you?"she asked rifling through a rack of lacy tank tops.  
I nodded.What's so fun about window shopping it's no secret I'm broke."I'm hungry."  
"I bought you a bag of gummi worms they're in your back pocket."I swear when girls shop they plan everything.  
I watch her smile brighten and dim every so often as she picked up multiple hangars looked at the price then put it down once she had an armful of colorful summer outfits she wisked me away to the dressing room,we snuck past the attendant snagging a room in the corner missing it's lock.I lean against the door as Demi starts unbuttoning her shirt,houston we have a problem.  
"I can wait outside if you want."  
"It's fine you like Liam you're going out with Eleanor we're just friends."  
"But isn't it uncomfortable?"  
"Not particularly yet but if it's really that much of a problem you can wait outside."  
Demi's not ugly she has brown hair at the time highlighted blonde a gap between her teeth that I thought was the cutest thing hell yeah it'd be awkward watching her practically strip I mean she was hot to be honest.Her legs have tan lines right around the knees but you'd have to look really close to notice(she didn't have a thigh gap).Her stomach was soft and pudgy with tiny little scars criss crossing it.I couldn't help but stare she was just so beautiful but I guess I was the only one who saw that.  
"I'm fat okay stop staring."her voice was harsh like she was actually angry.  
"What?!"two reasons for the surprise one I didn't know she was paying attention and two she was not and has never been fat.  
"You heard me."she pulled a red polo shirt that pulled in at all the right places.  
"You're not fat."  
"Thanks for trying to cheer me up but...just stop I hate liars."her eyes started turning glossy she fell against the wall silently crying.  
"What's wrong?"I thought it was kinda cute watching her cry but then I felt kind of bad she was sad not trying to be cute.  
"I'm fat!Everyone else is super skinny they don't have to get braces they don't have thunder thighs."she started hyperventilating."I bet half the stuff in that pile won't even fit me...it's not fair I eat just like everybody else I exercise but i'm still ugly i'm still...me!"  
What was she saying?"So what you have a body that's a problem?I don't think you get it Demi,"I squeezed the fat around her forearm"skinny little things don't do it for most guys you're beautiful you hear that eat what you want get lazy 'cause those curves aren't going anywhere."  
She smiled through all the tears,I wish I had a camera a new face couldn't make her any prettier in that moment."Why can't I just date you?"she said to herself more than to me.  
"Because you deserve somebody who can make up their mind not me plus I wouldn't be able to stop staring at you."  
Her cheeks glow and there's that smile again that smile that makes me forget about Eleanor and Liam and Danielle and all the problems in the world it makes me forget about everything but playing tic tac toe with my brother when he always let me win and racing my Dad to see who mom loved more it makes me think of being with Demi and the rest melts away.  
"I love you."I said without hesitation .  
She said it back just as plainly.  
I meant it,I really did love this girl who told me how to see women what the right thing to do was in some ways Demi was my...yoda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed part eight a little at the end


	10. Decisions

I was kinda scared to go to old navy with Demi by my side no telling what she'll pick up besides there was still Liam I couldn't think with something like that on my mind.It was like everything I saw reminded me of him.Maybe that was some sort of sign,though I don't know what it'd mean.  
'What do you think?"Demi held up a plaid button down t-shirt,I thought of Liam hands under his chin waiting to hear how my day went at lunch.  
Usually he's just siting there with a brown paper bag drawing invisible patterns in his hand or straddling the bench.I'd walk up and his face would start to glow like I'd brightened his day somehow.Then with a smile he'd fold his hands under his chin and say "Loop me in potato." I never really had a problem with that name I actually kinda liked it.I'd sigh pretending it was just one of those days you'd rather hid under a rock.Liam played along his eyes would go big and he'd ask "That kinda day?" I'd smile then start talking about how much fun it was being alive.  
"Liam..."I whispered.  
Demi put the shirt down squeezing my shoulder a bit."Having second thoughts?"  
I nodded."I miss him.I want him not Eleanor but when I wake up tomorrow I'll be singing a different tune I don't want to give him to Danielle I want to keep him all to myself and I know that's selfish but why should I care the world's never done me any favors."  
"Niall what're you talking about?"  
"This year alone my mother gave up on me,my father shipped me out here which I don't if that's good or bad my brother left...for good and...and...and nevermind it just isn't fair I have let Liam go along with everything else."  
"There is no nevermind what were you gonna say?"  
"Nothing,just tell me what I should do."  
"I can't you're right you probably won't feel the same way tomorrow but this is up to you and only you do you understand that I can't help you."  
"I can go on the date with Eleanor and if it feels right I give Liam up if it's wrong I keep him...is that a good idea."  
"I don't know after what I heard he said today is that really what you wanna do I mean you're the reason he's getting bullied so bad it's not just your choice it's his too."  
I sighed."Why is this so complicated?"  
"That's life."  
She was right it wasn't just my choice but what if I gave up on Eleanor and Liam didn't even want me all the while,why couldn't it have been black and white,why couldn't it be simpler,why did I have to make a choice.I sank to the floor grabbing two handfulls of hair as if life couldn't have gotten any more difficult.Everthing ended with an ultimatum everything had a decision waiting on the other side, I was overwhelmed.  
"Wanna get some food?"Demi proposed.  
"Yes please."No matter how bummed out I get food will always be the sun that shines through the darkening clouds maybe that made me seem fat or just a regular teenage boy.

We snagged a table at McDonald's overlooking the plaza I chucked a few dimes over the rail before taking a seat beside Demi.I don't know exactly what I got the eating process was all a blur really so I'll talk about why this part is so important.Demi started to stand readying to leave when guess who I saw at the counter just guess not Liam or Eleanor nope.In blazors and pleated shorts there was Gay Patrol complete with Louis,staring directly at...me.


	11. Decisions

I'm dead.I grabbed onto Demi's shoulder yanking her back into the chair,maybe he hadn't seen me yet maybe it was gonna be okay.  
"What."she whispered searching my eyes for an answer.  
With every passing second it seemed like my hopes were turning into one of those dreams you knew was never true in the first place as Louis' stare intensified.  
"Bad news."  
"What like Liam bad or Eleanor bad?"  
"Both."I hid behind a cup."Eleanor's friend is staring right at me I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm on a date...with you....don't look."  
"What do we do?"  
I shrugged."He's seen me that's for sure there's no sneaking away option."  
"Alrighty then we ignore him."  
I gave her a dubious look.  
My question was answered in the form of Zayn strutting over that stupid smile on his face like when you annoy somebody on purpose,he stopped at the table followed shortly by Josh and Louis.Did anyone here that...it's my soul...dying.  
"Well look what we have here Niall Horan and Demetria Lovato."said Zayn rocking on his heels.  
"It's Demi and yes that is who you have here."her tone conveyed what her smile did not 'Go the f**k away'.  
Zayn almost appeared hurt but that quickly changed back to tht smug look."Got yourself a girl I see."  
I looked to Louis,he raised and eyebrow daring me to say yes."No she's just my friend."  
"Bulls**t!"said Louis a vein popping out on his neck. Zayn and Josh sort of just stared at him for a while waiting to see what he'd say. I sunk into my chair looking at Demi,she squeezed my hand which only further assuaged Louis' first impression that we were on a date. "I thought you actually liked her,what the hell was that?"  
"It's really not what it looks like she's my friend I swear."  
"I am really we just came out here to shop for date clothes it's innocent I promise."said Demi. Louis seemed to consider it then with a shrug he said."I'm really protective of Elle she's like my little sister y'know...just don't hurt her." I almost felt bad...I know how i'd feel if somebody went out with Demi just to break her heart.I nodded he nodded we reached an unspoken agreement,I would not hurt Eleanor.  
Zayn appeared pleased he looked at Josh smiles forming on bother of their faces. "So then you're cured?"asked Josh.  
"I'm not gay."I said. Demi stepped on my toe. "I'm not."I repeated through gritted teeth. ,  
She rolled her eyes.  
With a unanimous nod Josh and Zayn turned back to the counter Louis sighed as if contemplating whether it would be a good idea to go with them or not."I'm gay."he said quietly barely a whisper I wasn't even sure I heard it.With that he walked back to the group hanging his head, I didn't know if I was meant to hear that it was like another weight had been hefted onto my shoulders,but why...it was just Louis I barely knew him...why'd I feel such a responsibility to a guy I didn't know.Maybe that's when I knew,somewhere in my subconscious that Louis was the one. Demi sighed in relief starting once again to stand."Why don't we just get you home,i'm sure Liam's waiting for you."  
I wasn't sure if I wanted to see Liam I was kinda delaying the inevitable. _It's now or never_  I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should it end with Niall choosing between Eleanor and Liam or...let me know,


	12. Liam

I'm twenty now and yet I don't feel a day older recounting this story,it all feels raw and new like I'm back in those shoes I think I kinda like it,remembering what it used to be like with Liam and that whole situation looking back it was really simple.While I was avoiding the truth all along doesn't mean it wasn't there I knew exactly what I wanted. The house loomed near,my hands started shaking as I closed the distance between me and the front stoop it was like knowing there's an axe murderer waiting on the other side of the door and while you'd like to just hide under the covers and wait for doom you'd much rather go down with a fight.The image of a brown haired boy came into view,I awaited the encouter of my life.Demi squeezed my hand,the shaking slowed to a shiver in my pocket.I expected a nod then he'd ask what I wanted but instead he smiled shifting his hands under his chin.  
"Loop me in potato,"he said with a wink.  
I looked back at Demi,she pushed me forward to Liam with those eyes that'd make you melt and a smile worth a billion.I sighed unable to contain my smile.  
"That kinda day?"asked Liam his smile spread to the corners of his cheeks.

"I'm really happy to see you...."  
He pulled me in squeezing me so tight I had to catch my breath but that was okay,it was a welcomed pain."I know it's only been a few hours but I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you."  
"Ditto."  
Demi coughed overdramatically I was to lost in Liam's eyes to care.Then I thought about Eleanor the girl I only met once but had single handedly turned my life upside down I still hadn't said anything about her to Liam,which sort of scared me,was I hiding it?I set the thought on the back burner,returning my attention to being happy.  
"I wanted ask you something..."  
Demi wandered over to the front door planting herself there for the length of the conversation,it was kinda annoying but I'd be mad if she didn't.  
"Me first,"said Liam"I'm sorry about what I said...I was just angry.You get tired of being the door mat after awhile y'know."  
Prescisly,I never got bullied even though nine times out of ten I was the smallest guy there but still at home it was a completely different story,my brother would either be ignoring me or waiting,so he could punch me in places nobody could see.Maybe on the rare chance Dad was home he'd turn on sportscenter and zone out and mom,what about her,she couldn't even look at me...that's a completely different story I would not like to talk about.I guess you could say I've always been the door mat.  
"Yeah,I get it.Where does that leave us?"  
"I don't know,I really like being friends with you but...it's not all that easy getting bullied everyday."  
I hadn't thought about it in a while so on impulse I asked."Why do people bully you?"  
His eyes sank to the concrete,the air was suddenly stagnant it seemed in few words I'd changed a dreary mood to one of those scenes in a movie where the camera goes really close up. I looked to Demi silently asking,'What am I supposed to do?'This naggy voice in my head said 'Just shut-up and try to care',why'd it sound just like Demi?  
"Um...are you sure you wanna know?"he rubbed his wrist I saw little cuts trailing down his arm.  
"...that depends,what'll change if you tell me."  
"Everything."  
"Then...no...I guess I don't."  
I know what you're thinking,'Why couldn't you have just said yes' well three reasons,one:My life was already complicated I didn't need everything to be completely desimated, two:How much would it take for Liam to say it,I couldn't force that out of him and finally three I knew what he'd say somewhere deep down,and I just didn't wanna hear it.What would you do if you were me?It was my turn to talk which only meant trouble.  
"I like you alot Liam...as more than just a friend but,I'm sort of going on a date with this girl tonight." Why'd I say that?  
"Oh...wow...I guess that means you don't like me."  
"I do but she's a really nice girl."  
"Then fine I guess,go out with her."he crossed his arms.  
"You reading it all wrong I do like you...I love you but-"  
"What,you can't feel the same way about both of us Niall it's not possible."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Screw this,"he started turning away...walking moving further from me with evey step he didn't turn around didn't stop just walked.  
I cried,stood there in the middle of the pavement and let the tears fall.  
"I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand." The Goo Goo Dolls,Iris.  
I thought Liam would be the one to see me but he scratched the surface and gave up halfway through.He never really knew me at all,why couldn't he see it my way?  
Demi put her hand on my shoulder I shook her off."It's fine..."I said stepping past her,then up the stairs slamming the door behind me and straight to the bathroom to Dad's razor propped up against the sink.


	13. The End

I stood there a moment picking at the hair clumped around the sides of the blades.Tears blurred my eyes burning as more fell.I bought the razor to my forearm tearing four wavy streaks of red down to my elbow I didn't feel anything except for a small sting, onto the next arm.  
I am in no way saying that cutting is right,it's wrong so don't do that...like ever.This is my story I found it of use for you to know that in a haze of tears and pain I tore up my arm so don't go telling your therapist Niall Horan told me to cut myself...no,back to the story.  
There was blood everywhere my arms felt like strips of torn paper hanging limp at my sides dripping crimson onto my Dad's bath rug I almost heard him yelling 'Niall,what the hell are you doing?' that just made me wanna cut more so,I did...my face or at least I started to.  
"What the hell are you doing?"asked Bobby Horan glaring at me.  
I dropped the razor,crying even harder.What'd I expect him to do,hug me and say,'it'll be alright' it was Bobby Horan the good for nothing sales representative at H.G Wells Department Store.  
"Niall."  
"Dad,I hate you and mom why couldn't you just stay together?A-and if you knew about what Greg was doing why didn't you say anything?"I didn't know what I was saying words were flying out of my mouth like vomit.And suddenly,everything went dark.(No I didn't die,I'm not telling this story from beyond the grave,I blacked out.)  
There was a light shining in my eye somebody screamed.A woman wearing a face mask asked me my name,I didn't even know the answer.More darkness.  
Everything was quiet,it sounded like looney tunes on in the background.I saw a vase full of Lillies an empty hospitol bed and IVs traveling from a clear bag down a tube,into me.Bluish colored gauze were wrapped around my arms.I tried to sit up but tubes pulled me back into the bed.  
"Niall."asked a quiet voice I didn't think I'd heard.  
I tried nodding,it looked more like a weird twitch.  
A face came into view slowly,it was Liam."Hey."  
My throat hurt so I didn't say anything.  
"I know you don't wanna hear this right now but,they know...about Harry."  
My stomach dropped.The machine beside my head started beeping a few seconds later a nurse poked her head in smiled then ducked back out.The machine kept beeping getting louder with every second.  


"It's okay,they won't ask any questions you don't want to answer."  
"...how do you know?"I asked as two men in gray uniforms came in with Gay Patrol,how'd they get in?  
"Hey buddy,"said a guy with thick glasses and a combover,I was and never have been his buddy.  
"We're here to ask you a few questions,"said his partner some Danny DeVito look alike.  
I tensed up my eyes darting around the room,the heart monitor started beeping again.  
Liam intertwined his fingers with mine squeezing our hands together."I'm here."  
"But so are they."I was refering to Gay Patrol with the exception of Louis.I don't think I wanted him there either.  
"Don't mind them,I promise as soon as this is over you'll go home...with me."  
"Why?"  
"I thought you'd like it better there."  
I smiled,or some version of one returning his squeeze.I was ready to face the end.  
"So Niall,tell us what happened."


	14. Just kidding

I didn't know what to say,it wasn't like I could just spit it out and that'd be it they'd ask questions they'd look at me different and come up with some bullsh*t conclusion about me.I wanted to leave my body for a minute,just step into Greg's shoes see how his day was going I would rather have been any where other than that hospitol bed.  
"Niall?"asked Liam leaning closer.  
"Sorry,what was the question?"I'd honestly forgotten.  
Officer Luc (a.k.a combover) sighed grinding his teeth then said,"We'll start slow,what time of day was it?"  
"...uh...three-ish."  
"Could you get more exact?"  
"Closer to four somewhere between three fourty and four o'clock."  
"Good, good."he scribbled something on a yellow legal pad.  
"So what happened,next?"asked DeVito (his actual last name was Gibson but what fun is that?).  
"I was walking home when all of a sudden somebody grabs me..."  
"Mm hm,then what?"  
I'd have to tell them it was Harry I'd have to say there was somebody else in the car,I'd have to tell them what he did.I didn't want to breathe,I wanted to crawl under the covers and pretend it was just a dream.I closed my eyes...opened them,there was still six other people gazing at me expectantly.  
"Niall."said Luc.  
"...he pulled me into a car-"  
"What type of car?"  
"Dodge caravan,I didn't get a good look at the plates."  
He nodded,more scribbling.  
Then came the tough part."...there was a guy...three...he pushed me into the car door,started pulling on my tie...then,"they were all looking at me waiting for more,asking for something I didn't want to give...just like Harry.  
"It's okay,nobody's here to hurt you,they just want this guy to pay for what he did,"said Liam purposefully leaving out a name.  
Hannah Montana lied,there are perfect people out there and I'd just met one.

I sighed closing my eyes,"The car started moving,but he wasn't driving it somebody else was...I punched him in the mouth-"  
"Would it leave a bruise?"asked Louis.  
I nodded,somebody sniffeled.Thank god my eyes were closed.  
"So then he got angry,punched me back,"I waited for someone to ask where but I guess they already knew."Another guy held me down..."the door opened then closed,there was crying...like really loud."He pulled my pants off told me to shut up 'cause I was crying so loud,then..."I finally opened my eyes.Louis was gone,Josh had his head buried in his hands,Zayn was rubbing away tears and Liam bit his lip.  
I realized something,sitting there that day,I realized people cared about me.All my life I never knew what it felt like to have somebody be sad for you but I felt it,and it was pretty great.  
The door swung open,"Rich could I get a dollar?"Just guess who that was...did you guess Harry Styles?


End file.
